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| Its strange, i barely remember writing all those entries below this. I've also changed so much that i barely remember being that person at all. At least in some ways. In other ways i dont think i've changed much -
I was cleaning my room tonight (a recently developed habit of mine), and i came across a folded piece of paper with this verse scribbled on it:
Psalm 27:13-14
I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
To be honest i've never really gotten too into Psalms. I know its probably the most popular book of the Old Testament and all but I really dont know if i've ever read a Psalm when i'm down and felt encouraged by it. For some reason they seem to make me feel more discouraged most of the time. Even now, reading these verses, its honestly hard for me to admit to myself that i believe it. I'm not sure why. I know its true but theres something about really hopeful verses (or hopeful statements in general, really) that just makes me uneasy. Its my nature to doubt (one time i read about Thomas saying he wouldn't believe Jesus had been resurrected until he touched the wounds and i seriously started crying because i dont think i had ever felt like i related with a biblical character as well as with Thomas right then). But in spite of the hopeful tone, i wrote this verse down during church when pastor Bruce was speaking on this chapter and, well, its sat somewhere on my floor ever since. But once i swallow my pride, overcome that hopeless feeling/nature inside me, and really think about the God i am just beginning to know, i am confident of this. In fact, i already have seen the goodness of the Lord. Many, many times.
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| haha. ok *flashback*: i'm laying on a couch trying to fall asleep to the pitiful sounds of a drunken man puking all over the bathroom. suddenly i look up to see him walking into the kitchen wearing absolutely nothing but a snowboarding jacket. i do not know this man. he fumples around the kitchen (back towards me) looking for something to drink in the fridge - oh s*#% - he dropped something! maybe he didn't notice, and he won't bend over to get it. nope. i pull the sheet over my head, but not quick enough. i can't help but bust out laughing at how random and awkward all this is but i really wish this guy wouldn't have had double digit cans of beer and puke all over the bathroom that i'll be needing in the morning.
just thought i'd mention one of the funniest/most awkward things to happen to me this weekend. good times, good times. | | |
| i don't really know what people want in these things. thats half of why i don't update. also, i just don't see the point anymore. you can email me if you want to. i'll gladly reply. | | |
| MIRACLES DON'T EXIST IN US. WE JUST WISH OURSELVES AWAY
i'm all partied out. three day weekends are great but it's probably
just going to make school so much worse now that i haven't really slept
in days! oh well. i have homework to do. but i don't think i'd be doing
it if i wasn't on here so screw it. I HATE MY SCHOOL SO
MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is that your fault too, Claire? haha. at
least i'll be done in a few months! wow, it's really weird to say that!
i haven't really thought about that at all. how scary. i've never even had a job! what
am i supposed to do? have you ever seen Vanilla Sky? i wish i could do
what that guy did! just live one segment of your life over and over
forever. never really die but not live anymore either. they should
invent one of those places. anyways. this is a nonsense post. but
thanks for reading them guys! thats cool that i'm actually talking to someone! you must be really bored.
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| i don't think many people really read this thing but i'll write anyway for the heck of it.
luckily this week hasn't been as bas as last. i think things started
looking up around the time that Adam and Ben drove all the way out to
my house (about an hour from where they live) at 12 at night when
they heard i was having a rough time! it was so cool of them, they even
picked up a carton of my favorite cigarettes and my favorite drink at a
gas station. i think that was Monday night. i hadn't seen them in so
long. especially Adam! but it was really good to sit and chill with
them for a while. only like, an hour. they really needed sleep. Adam
works at the airport in charlotte and has the craziest schedule ever. i
hope he doesn't die of sleep deprivation. well anyways, it really made
my week. and things are just better in general right now. thank you
everyone who's been encouraging and praying for me and stuff. that's
really cool. one more day of school and then i'll have another nice
long weekend! no school on monday! and i'm going to party hard this
weekend! i think i'm going camping tomorrow in my station wagon! then
saturday night is a huge houseparty at a friend's. then sunday i think
i'm going to watch movies all day long with some friends. and i don't
know what i'll do with monday. maybe sleep. that'd be good. anyways.
i'm sorry this is so long and boring!
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